- Location:home where my tears are blurring my vision
- Mood:
depressed - Music:I Hate Everything About You - Three Days Grace
ANYWAY, I love Beauty and the Beast because it's so utterly idealistic! In the world of this story, the Beasts in life can turn in to Prince Charmings, the ones you love can come back from the dead, a girl can be totally pure and kind hearted... It's lovely. :)
However, given that the prompt is quite specific, I will answer simply for June.
My wish for this over-heated, humid, busy, and beautiful month of June, 2009, is this:
I wish that I will begin this new year with her as the Cassidy I want her to stay in love with for the rest of her life.
This will entail a lot of change on my part.. but hey, new summer, new you, right? Right.
And for my own pleasure, let me discuss what I wish for this upcoming school year...
I want to be the sweet one. The girl who never bitches, never starts unnecessary arguments, never treats others badly.
I want to be the smart one. The one with the good grades, perfect attendance, the one who helps everyone else.
I want to be the good one. The girl who everyone knows isn't a slut, isn't going to do anything with you, isn't into Spin the Bottle immaturity.
I want to be the one with more than a handful of real friends, friends she can always count on and will never lose.
I want to be the one who will stand up to you, who won't get walked all over.
I want to be the one who people sincerely look up to, not because I'm vain, but because I want to be good enough to be a role model for myself and everyone else.
Is that too much to ask of myself for my sophomore year?
- Location:in my kitchen lookin' slutty
- Mood:
excited - Music:my stomach growling
Yes, this was my Facebook About Me. But it was too long. But I still wanted to keep it at least for now, because it took me ages to write. Lol.
Let me tell you my love story (yes, it's ultra long, don't read if you're gonna complain!):
Khaalida Parks is this amazing, incredible girl I met at Cooper Middle School. I realized I liked her almost as soon as she spoke to me at the beginning of 8th grade. God, she was so pretty! I couldn't help it. We passed notes everyday during math class, we talked, we sat together at lunch sometimes, we IMed sometimes..
I wasn't sure at first, but maybe half a year (at most) after we became friends, I realized I loved her. Believe me, I had issues with that realization! But I kept that to myself... I couldn't have made myself tell her if I wanted to. I knew she'd never like me back, and I wasn't risking getting rejected AND screwing up a friendship...
Fast forward to the end of 8th grade:
All I could think about was that this girl that I'd fallen for was going to South Cobb and I wasn't, and maybe I'd never see her anymore.. and I cried. A lot. But as summer began, I got a cell phone, I had her number in my yearbook, and things didn't look quite. so. bad. We texted each other nearly every day... There was certainly some interesting conversation that went on! ;)
Skip to June 22nd, 2008:
It all started with a game of Truth or Dare... To anyone who knows the girl, it should come as no surprise that her first Truth question was unusual. :P She asked me, "Are you sure you're straight?" and when I had to answer no to be honest, things got interesting. I found out she DID like me, and y'all know I liked her, and well... We ended up together, of course. :) <33
And now, back to the present:
I love her so very much. We've been a couple for 11 months now, and that's only the beginning of forever. Yes, we fight, and no, neither of us are perfect. But we complete each other... I couldn't live without her here to keep my heart beating, my lungs breathing, my body moving. I'm never walking out of this one's life, and she knows it.
Khaalida, I love you with everything I have.
Forever and always. <3
- Location:Home where I don't belong
- Mood:
pissed off
Rondel of Merciless Beauty
Your two great eyes will slay me suddenly;
Their beauty shakes me who was once serene;
Straight through my heart the wound is quick and keen.
Only your word will heal the injury
To my hurt heart, while yet the wound is clean -
Your two great eyes will slay me suddenly;
Their beauty shakes me who was once serene.
Upon my word, I tell you faithfully
Through life and after death you are my queen;
For with my death the whole truth shall be seen.
Your two great eyes will slay me suddenly;
Their beauty shakes me who was once serene;
Straight through my heart the wound is quick and keen.
Geoffrey Chaucer
- Location:under your bedroom window, staring at you.
- Mood:
in love :) - Music:something by brokencyde
Water is cool, lovely, stunning. Beautiful at times, hideous at others. Clear and pure, or dark, clouded, and mysterious. It can be sweet and gentle, calm and collected. But it can turn right around and become broken and tempestuous. It can soothe and aid, can heal and bring back life. Which then can crash and hurt, damage and kill. It's an utter oxymoron within itself, as am I.
Okay, guess I'm done. Gotta go anyway. Sorry to have bored you. :p
- Mood:
okay
Okay, so.
This is going to be
Long
Random
and will probably bore you.
*EDIT* (some content has been removed from this journal)
1) I think I'm getting back in touch with my writing. NOT saying that I'm back in touch with my GOOD writing, just with the habit of doing it everyday. It's work and pleasure, all in one, not to mention stress relief. It's necessary for me to do it constantly, and I haven't been, but I am now. SO, here are two of the things I wrote in class today in about two seconds. They kind of amuse me because they're about the things I was wearing on my arm.
Copper colored hairbow: (my favorite of the two)
twist
catch the light
coppery shimmer
glimmer of joy
brighten the day
or the night
with that delightful glow
like summer
the color of sun-bronzed skin
dripping with beads of chlorinated water
or the penny you saw
on the sidewalk by that seedy complex
alone and small
in the pouring rain
deemed insignificant
but yet turns out to be
oh
so
necessary.
Black jelly/sex bracelet:
dark as night
with such vivid implications
on sight
everyone knows what you are
what you mean
when you are damaged,
the ones you surround
are in for a surprise...
or at least an awkward giggle.
your beauty lies
in that you are
whatever we want you to be
for us
3) When you need someone so badly you literally ache for them every second of the day, what are you supposed to do? If you've never felt it you'll have no idea what I'm speaking of, and you're lucky. It hurts, more than anything I've ever felt. It's gotten to the point that it isn't just an emotional pain anymore, it's physical too. It's a yearning, an aching, a longing, a misery. It's not just a desire, I don't just want it, I need it. I can't deal with it for much longer, really. I don't know how to keep going under such a constant and devastating pressure...
4) I am:
Atlanta
poet storyteller liar child
woman student teacher
helpless strong fearless
frightened lover adored
hated Southern sweet
shallow selfish emotional
preppy scene egotistical
bitch wounded unstable
Christian friend imperfect
sex innocence naive
pure adulteress reader
learner curious pain
love murder peace
war fight trust bipolar
tease ugly nasty
unlovable loved small
insignificant unimportant
technology primitivity
belonging breathtaking
unjust unnecessary obsessive
weary
I am a child of what I am, what I could be, and what I never was. I am me, and I've never disliked anyone so much.
That is the end of my late-night ramblings.
And I must sleep now.
I do love you.
Goodbye.
- Mood:
pensive
*EDIT* (some content has been removed from this journal)
And then, Kayla and I were talking about this today, possibly the stupidest thing anyone could do: Don't fucking judge me if you've never fucking met me. I've NEVER done anything at all to you, and just cuz your friend is/was mad at me, gives you no right to say anything about me if you have no idea who I am. Hello, you're getting a biased point of view. Ever heard of both sides of the story? Idiots. Go fuck yourselves in a god damn corner.
There's more on my mind but I can't even think straight and I'm in physical and mental pain, and everything just sucks and I need you and I don't know what to do.
I AM better now, believe that. I just needed to get things out so my anger would evaporate. I won't say I'm fine, because I'm not.
And I may be running away soon... Just so you know.
- Mood:
helpless
I had SO much fun at the lock-in at Mad Mad Whirled.. It was insane.
I epically failed at Whirlyball, which is essentially lacrosse, basketball, and bumper cars' lovechild. All I could do was drive in circles and pray no one hit me in the head with the ball! But it was still crazy fun. And laser tag.. well, I kinda suck. But it was hilarious, playing with my silly friends. Haha.
We all stayed up till six am, but as soon as we got on the bus to go home, we all crashed. I passed out in the car once my mom picked me up, and then came home, crawled up the stairs and into bed, and slept until 7:30pm.
Which brings me to the fact that my sleeping schedule is hopelessly ruined, right here at the beginning of Spring Break! Nice, huh? ;D
- Mood: stupid mother
As far as I can tell, the human race is like, unanimously retarded and cruel.
People's reaction's and moods confuse the hell out of me..
When you give all of yourself, or all of your emotions, into saying something to someone, you know what hurts more than a rejection?
"Okay."
Who the fuck says "okay" when you get all emotional?! What the fucking hell.
I'm pissed and hurt, by so many people. It's ridiculous.
And yet underneath the storm of emotions right on top, I'm still fairly happy... I don't know what to do with myself anymore.
I think I really AM bipolar.
Maybe.
But what the fuck ever.
I just needed to vent some nonsense.
I'll come back when I'm not so overwrought.
I love you two.
Bye.
- Mood: mad/sad/happy/unloved/stupid
This poem was sent to me in this daily poem newsletter thing from a poetry website or some shit, I really don't know nor care, but GOD does it make me happy! I laugh every damn time I look at it! It's definitely good for lifting my spirits when I need a hug. :)
Enjoy! :D
Regime de Vivre
I rise at eleven, I dine about two,
I get drunk before seven, and the next thing I do,
I send for my whore, when for fear of a clap,
I spend in her hand, and I spew in her lap;
Then we quarrel and scold, till I fall fast asleep,
When the bitch growing bold, to my pocket does creep.
Then slyly she leaves me, and to revenge the affront,
At once she bereaves me of money and cunt.
If by chance then I wake, hot-headed and drunk,
What a coil do I make for the loss of my punk!
I storm and I roar, and I fall in a rage.
And missing my whore, I bugger my page.
Then crop-sick all morning I rail at my men,
And in bed I lie yawning till eleven again.
Lord John Wilmot
- Location:under the bed hiding from the reality monster
- Mood:
odd - Music:Weightless - All Time Low
- Location:My house, you stalker
- Mood: loved
- Music:True Friend or whatever by Hannah Montana lmao
*EDIT* I can't figure out how to delete entries, if there is a way. But yeah, that's why this one is just empty now.
- Location:look out your window, bitch
- Mood:
exhausted - Music:I Heart ? - Taylor Swift
So like, the ice cream man drove through my neighborhood this evening, and I was in the upstairs hallway just thinking, and I heard the truck's song and the first two lines of this came to me. What follows them was written like two minutes after I put pen to paper. Lol. I was bored, it was a gorgeous day, sunlight was dappling the doorways, and inspiration struck! Lemme know if you like. :)
ice cream truck
the dreamlike melody
a calliope of sorts
drifted through the doors and windows
floating up the stairs
down every hallway
calling the names of all who heard
bringing a flashback of childhood
a small giggle escaping the lips of those not yet past it
the yearning for that sweet escape
precious memories melting on your tongue
as another sugared day slips into oblivion
- Mood: content
- Mood: scared and hurt
Today's a good day. :)
Friday the 13th... What a nice omen for Valentine's Day, right?! Lol.
Good thing I actually like Friday the 13th... and V-Day. <3
I think they're both fun.
Except for that time in third grade when a bookshelf hit me on the head on the 13th. Haha. That kinda freaked me out. But other than that one time, I've never had anything bad/unlucky happen... O_O
Currently, I'm in Study Skills (uber fun class, you should wish you had it). And I am having the HUGEST Starbucks craving EVER! I'd kill for a mocha cappucino, y'all. XD
Anywaysssss.
I gots to go. I'll update later. :D
P.S. I need more friends on here... Nobody but Kayla (maybe) reads these! Lol
Peace and Love :) <3
- Location:school
- Mood: happy
You're sick of feeling numb
You're not the only one
I'll take you by the hand
And I'll show you a world that you can understand
This life is filled with hurt
When happiness doesn't work
Trust me and take my hand
When the lights go out you'll understand
........................................
Anger and agony
Are better than misery
Trust me I've got a plan
When the lights go off you'll understand
........................................
I know (I know I know I know I know)
That you're wounded
You know (You know you know you know you know)
That I'm here to save you
You know (You know you know you know you know)
I'm always here for you
I know (I know I know I know I know)
That you'll thank me later
........................................
That's the verses and bridge of an amazing song by an amazing band.
And it's gotten me through the past.. couple of years. And now... now it's working again. Evanescence works too. Especially Lithium. *dies* And no one cares...
Well some people do, but I don't care. Because I'm sick of all the shit. And the lies. And the anger. And the hurt.
On a happier note!
Life's looking up, in all areas but that one. ^^^ And truly, I'm so sorry for the past few entries. They're just... what I needed. This livejournal thing helps!!
I promise to be happy from now on, at least in my writing. :)
Lol.
Much love and good night,
Cass <3
- Mood:unhappy but hopeful
she tries to cry out
but no sound comes
from the voice paralyzed with fear
tears spill from her wide eyes
she knows it's hopeless
but she's not ready for this
shock fills her innocent face
as her world comes crashing down
her face drains of color
and then...
then
she
fades
pain
drips from her eyes
in tears that sparkle
when they catch the light
her expression so intense
so carefully pulled together
as to hide what's in her soul
but her eyes...
they can't help but tell her secrets
they can't help but scream her emotions
the ones that no one can see
that no one wants to see
she can't mask
the clear depths of her eyes
regardless of the flawless facade elsewhere
she should've known better than to try...
- Mood: depressed
Yuh yuh, needs deleting.
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